Julia

4.

Julia

I met Julia when we were both Heather Jackson Award nominees at the NADP (National Association of Deafened People) conference in 2023. The award is made to a deafened person who has made a significant contribution to the improvement of the welfare and opportunity of deafened people. We are both linked with the hearing charity Hi-Kent, for whom Julia is a trustee and runs a very successful social group. Meeting Julia is like opening curtains to sunshine and we have become friends.

I talked to her about her paid and voluntary work roles and her experience of deafness.

I’ve had bilateral hearing loss since I was small – I think since birth, but I didn’t get hearing aids until I was four. My mum had trouble getting my attention and my parents were worried I wasn’t hearing them. They took me to the doctors, who said there wasn’t anything wrong, I was just ‘backwards’ (they used that word!). They said, ‘she’s backwards’. But they took me for a private assessment where they said, ‘yep, she’s deaf’.

I couldn’t talk at age four, I had no speech whatsoever. I had speech therapy between ages four and eight. They wanted to send me to a school for children with learning disabilities. Instead my parents chose a primary school with a deaf unit. I used to be able to leave my class and go there for an hour or two to have a break.

I didn’t learn to sign in the deaf unit, although there were some children who were Deaf BSL users there. For my mum and dad it was more about speaking, so when I look back, there were children who had sign language, but I didn’t know it. Those children were taught in the unit – they had their lessons there, whereas I went to the unit every morning to have my phonic ear put on. It was a hearing aid with a big box I had to wear at school. I took it off at night. I had that for a long time in primary school, for seven years

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And then I went to mainstream secondary school, which was hard because I couldn’t hear what was going on in the class. I think more could have been done…. I moved south from Blackfen, to a new school in Year 11, in the middle of my GCSE’s.

I went to a youth club one night with a friend and, these three girls came up to me and said, ‘did you just call me a f****** bitch?’, or something. And I didn’t hear what they said, so I just sat there and said, ‘yeah’. And, do you know what? I got hit and ended up in hospital. They punched my nose – I’ve still got the scar now. Because I said ‘yes’ to the wrong thing, I answered it wrong. And I got punched in the nose. I ended up in hospital with a broken nose. Not a lot of people know that. It was dark at the time – it would have needed to be light for me to lipread. I was trying to fit in and because I said the reply wrong … I didn’t call her anything. I didn’t even know the girl. People just assume things, like you’re being rude, they just make assumptions all the time.

Since being with Hi-Kent and meeting you and L … and watching Rose (Rose Ayling-Ellis, UK actor, TV presenter and writer), I’ve come out of myself. Because in the past I’d hide it away … but now I really like putting deaf awareness posters around, telling people to stand in the light, face the other person.

It was very hard towards the end of the time I was chair of the School PTA, because it was meetings and focussing on what other people were saying. I did that for five years, along with fundraising. I enjoyed it, but I do find things very tiring at the end of the day. I like to get home and watch my soaps for some time out. I’d like to read, but I don’t know, I can’t seem to switch off. I use captions for the TV and I’ve got a Signia microphone. I turn the volume down and it goes straight to my hearing aids. Lovely! It’s really good. Sometimes I put a film on Prime, but then before I’ve chosen one, then no subtitles have come up. Netflix has subtitles.

I had a happy childhood, but I wish I’d done more, like be part of the deaf community. I actually think I’m the happiest I’ve been now, because I’m admitting I’m deaf. I can talk about it now.

My husband and girls have been amazing, like coming to Deaf Day at City Lit (in London) with me. And I do have an active social life too … I’ve got good friends … but they’re all hearing. I’m glad I met you and L. I love being with you guys because we can share our problems, like it’s everyday life, whereas you go to a pub with your (hearing) friends and it’s like, ‘oh’. I just put a smile on my face.

I’m finding it a bit harder as I get older though and I’ve also got a lot of things going on just now. I’ve got my job, my main job, my work for the school and volunteering for Hi-Kent, so it’s a lot. And I always think I’m 20 in here. I even said to my husband last week I’d rather go out during the day at the weekend, then go to bed, not go out in the evening. I’m tired. So I’d rather go out with my friends in the afternoon and then go to bed, just come home and relax. I can’t do both – afternoon and evening. I’d also rather do 1:1 for going out. Pubs with friends are tiring.

On the positive side, when I do go to a pub, I can people watch and lipread what people are saying. But in groups, I do find it hard. I get lost, so I just sit there. I can hear them, but it’s muffled and as words are missed out in what I hear, it takes longer to process. I can’t go as fast as a hearing person. In the pub, I miss bits. I have to try and work out what it is they’ve said. When I talk to somebody else who’s, like, in the same situation, it normalises it, because it’s just our life. But although I’m quiet sometimes, I’m not naturally that way. I’m quite loud and once I start talking I’m in there. But then I get lost and back off. I really like to chat, chat, chat, like me and you, we do that

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Julia is Procurement Director for Edify Training, where she has worked for 17 years. In addition, she works part time as an LSA (Learning Support Assistant) at a local school, where she was chair of the PTA for some years. Her voluntary work is now with the hearing support charity, Hi-Kent.

Photo: Phonic ear photo© Copyright 2019 Victorian Collections

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